A little confused...

So I saw M. Night Shymalan's "The Village" last night and I gotta say it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be, especially after the Mel Gibson-piloted bus full of rhino crap that was "Signs" plunged off the movie screen and embedded itself firmly in my cranium, causing bile to rise in my throat every time I think of it. Without delving into the depths of that festering carcass, let me simply say that, after the inspired brilliance he showed with "The Sixth Sense" and only somewhat less so in "Unbreakable", 'ole M must have stepped on a rake and knocked all the sense out of his head before making "Signs". I mean, come on, an advanced race of aliens capable of travelling interstellar space to invade Earth, but too stupid to bring protective gear to the one planet in the solar system where a substance capable of killing them on contact regularly falls from the sky? I mean, even a f***ing raincoat would have sufficed for crying out loud.

For shame, M. For shame.

Anyway, here's where the confusion comes in. I was so ready to absolutely HATE "The Village", I could taste it. My girlfriend was excited about seeing it, so I vowed to hold my comments in check as the movie unfolded. Strangely enough, I found that I didn't have many to make. Granted, I had it figured within minutes of the opening sequence, but it wasn't the boiling pustule of bad storytelling that "Signs" was. It was just, eh. I gave it a "Liked It" rating on Netflix, mostly because the folks at Netflix can't seem to make up their minds as to whether "It's Ok" is a category or not, but also because it just wasn't that bad.

So, I was disappointed about not being disappointed, which seems a bit illogical. I feel like I should've have been "pleasantly surprised" or at least "relieved" but I wasn't. I was actually pretty pissed off. I had gone into this expecting to be able discuss with my brothers how really bad the movie was, spend too much time rehashing the worst moments over and over again, reliving the exquisite agony of watching a film stagger forward like a drunken headless zombie, not really knowing where it's headed but doggedly going there anyway. Like I said, I guess I should be relieved, but I'm not.

We're even M, back at the zero point. Make another movie that doesn't suck and then I'll be relieved.

=]

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...ooooooooouuuuucccccchhhhhh!!!!

Well, that pretty much went like I expected. An army of "them" against the smaller, but far scrappier and very "mukatsuku" group of us. The CP Austin president was on our side, as they were as blindsided by this as we were (at least that what she said). They were apparently told many times by Stratus that the 100' strip would remain, which is why CP told us. Stratus' "defense", if you could call it that, was your typically corporate self-serving BS, " It wasn't in writing in any of the plans we received."

...

Well, isn't that f***ing convenient? I guess, even though it appears in writing in in numerous other places, since it wasn't specified in the plans you have that makes everything all white, doesn't it? F***ing corporations. Oh, and they even went so far as to say, "We're not a big corporation out to deceive anybody!" WTF? Of course you are, that's what big corporations do. It's how they make money. What the hell do you think goes on in a sales & marketing department??? If you have a product that has only redeeming qualities and no side effects like say, water, you don't have to advertise it. Oh sure, there are different brands of bottled water, all telling you that their water is better than the next guys, but guess what? It's just f***ing water!! Just about every other product has some group of people sitting in an office somewhere trying to come up with a way to convince you to buy their thing over someone else's. They're little deceits, most of the time, but sometimes...

Anyway, back to the meeting. I was quiet most of the time, listening, gathering ammunition for one of the most perturbing and highly-effective weapons known to mankind, the "smart ass zinger". In the right hands, this weapon can eviscerate and emasculate a target from the other side of the planet and, not to toot my own horn, when I'm the groove, I'm Josey f***ing Wales, my friend. And boy, were there plenty of targets. Timing is everything in the good zing, and I was a metronome, baby. Like Bruce Lee, waiting for your opponent to make the first move then, KAPOW, and you draw back with their spleen in your fist. Loved it, LOVED IT. Still pretty pissed off about the whole thing, but it was good to relieve some of the venom that has been building.

So, in the end, Stratus plans to get their "team" together and draw up a plan to rectify the situation and soothe the rancor that they've created. They'll submit that plan to CP and the homeowners get a chance to look over the plans, defecate on them, and send them back to Stratus postage-due. Kidding, of course, Stratus is here in town, so postage-due wouldn't be much of a punishment. Serious about the sh**, though. Really.

=]

Screwed through our pants...

So, I never thought I'd be involved in one of those "homeowner vs. developer" situations, but guess what? Life is a tricksy motherf***er sometimes. My girlfriend and I chose to build this new house in this particular new neighborhood mainly for two reasons: 1) we're a little bit removed from the hustle and bustle of Austin, and 2) we're in an environmentally sensitive area called the Greenbelt, so the city is picky about new development and there are lots of trees around. We knew that nearby there was eventually going to be a small shopping center built, with a grocery store and four or five other small commercial buildings but we were assured on MULTIPLE occasions by our developer, Capital Pacific, that we would always have at least 100' of trees between us and the shopping center. (Hint: here's where the screwing starts)

So imagine my reaction when I go to let the dog out into the backyard in the morning and there's a f***ing bulldozer on the other side of my fence knocking down trees like Saruman was on his ass!!! And we didn't even get the worst of it, we still have a small patch of trees behind us. The neighbors to the left of us, however, especially the ones with two-story homes, will now have a completely unrestricted view of the loading docks behind the soon to be built H.E.B. grocery store. So much for their home values. Needless to say, they're even more pissed off than I am. Fortunately, one of them is a contractor and knew who to call to, ahem, voice his displeasure.

Anyway, we have a meeting with the Capital Pacific people, the Stratus people (the shopping center developers), perhaps someone from the Homeowner's Association, and us, the really pissed off homeowners. Despite the fact that we were ALL assured the 100' barrier of trees would remain, oh wait, that's not true. Some of the most recent homeowners...were NEVER TOLD ANYTHING ABOUT THE NEW DEVELOPMENT. Nothing. They were blindfolded AND screwed. Didn't even see it coming. Ouch.

I don't expect much from this meeting. I can guarantee there'll be no restitution for the loss of value of our homes, the trees can't be immediately replaced (they've already been ground up by a giant chipper anyway), and the city and the existing affected neighborhoods have already given their stamp of approval to the project. So basically, we came late to the dance and get stuck with the creepy kid with the mullet and the headgear as our date.

I dunno, maybe there's a legal case against CP, for fraud and failure to fully disclose the situation. We still would have built here, we just would have chosen a different lot. On the flipside, maybe they were caught off guard as well by this and some f***wit planner got a little carried away with the tree removal plan. I'll post the results of the meeting later. Stay tuned!

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Beam Me Up Scotty

So I won't, for now, talk about the elephant in the room and instead focus my attention on the other elephant in question, namely President Female-Genital-Euphemism (FGE, for short). FGE is set to give the State of the Union address tonight, and it's widely expected to be as vague and broad as his recent inaugural address whic...sorry, I just threw up in my mouth. Anyway, analysts expect nothing concrete, no actual plans for the future, just FGE pointing into the distance like a red-shirted Star Trek crewman and saying, "We should go this way." Suggested reasons for this strategy vary, from the Administration doesn't want to get pinned down to a particular plan in case it falls apart like wicker furniture at a fat farm (i.e., finding WMD in Iraq is a "slam dunk") to the Administration's plans are incomplete (i.e., we don't know what the f*** we're doing). All that can be said for sure is that the Administration's response nowadays to criticisms of its policies seems to be, well, less than diplomatic.

WH reporter: Mr. President, your intention to reform the Social Security system, while admirable on its face, appears to be nothing more than a ploy to dupe hard-working Americans into paying for America's economic recovery themselves by risking their guaranteed retirement benefits on the vagaries of the stock market which, judging by the recent revelations of mismanagement by experienced fund managers, they have little chance of understanding enough to make well-informed financial decisions. As a result, in exchange for a short-term policital gain by your party, you may be setting the stage for a huge increase in the number of elderly poor in America in years to come, creating a far larger crisis than that which the Social Security issue currently poses. Can you justify, in economic terms, the decision not to simply take less expensive measures such as raising the retirement age rather than spend possibly as much as $2 trillion to institute private accounts?

FGE: ...

WH reporter: Mr. President? Should I repeat the question?

FGE: NO! I mean, hehehe, no, we, uh, hehe, the Social Security system is broken and needs to be fixed. I mean, heheh, it'll be in the red by 2042. So, ya know, hehe, we gotta do somethin', hehe...

WH reporter: Riiiight. Mr. President, technically Social security will only see a reduction in it's ability to pay full benefits to retirees, and that reduction will only be in the range of 10 to 20%. That's far from the bankruptcy crisis that your Administration has been promoting. Is this just another attempt to cow the American people into assenting to your plans by scaring the bejeezus out of them?

FGE: Oh no, we want the Jesus in 'em, hehe. The more the better, hehehe, that'll keep my consituents in the Christian right off my keister while we institute a business development plan that'll make Blade Runner look like Mayberry, hehehe. Mayberry, hehehe, Don Knotts is funny, hehe...heheh...heh...

WH Reporter: But Mr. President, back to the Social Security issue, there is more and more cricitism coming from both Democrats and Republicans, as well as the AARP and the Social Security Administration itself. What do you say to that?

FGE: Suck on it.

*sigh*

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In dreams, we wake...

Had a dream last night that I was being chased by a dessicated corpse making the most horrible, soul-tearing noises. Then I realized I wasn't dreaming and it wasn't a corpse, but Robert Novak espousing the Administration's plan for [insert poorly planned, impulsive Bush plan here] and deriding Democrats and liberals for [insert obligatory Republican conservative talking points here]. What an asshole this guy is. He outs an undercover CIA agent, never apologizes, and gets away scot-free, while the Republican wermacht prepares to serve up Dan Rather's testicles roasted with a spicy au jus for posting an admittedly poorly researched story, but one that obviously had little or no effect on anything in particular except Rather's career.

Just for the record, I'm neither Democrat nor Republican. I'm much too cynical to just drink the Kool-Aid they offer and join the herd. That said, many Republicans, mostly those in the RNC and currently holding office (that means you DeLay, you tower of excrement!) are some of the most insidious, underhanded, deviant, thieving, backstabbing hypocrites ever to slither out of a womb. Almost worse are their supporters who swallow the bullshit and come back for more. The two things I hate most: hypocrisy and ignorance, rolled together into one glorious festering pile.

*sigh*

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Stay Tuned

I know, I know, I said that I would try to post something everyday only two days ago and I'm already in breach. Well, I posted twice on the first day so that should count for something. Besides, I spent most of yesterday working on a last minute project for some friends of mine who were in a jam.


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"Sometimes words have consequences..."

AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!

This is like a nightmare. All day I've been seeing and hearing this quote and it's finally driven me insane. How did this man get elected President????

This quote will leap out at me forever from the darkened corners of my brain, when I least expect it, whenever I'm at peace with the world enjoying a Caribbean sunset or a warm chocolate cookie. It will lurk there until I am convinced that all is right with the world, then it will pounce and resurrect the double-barreled bitchslap that was the 2000 and '04 elections.

*sigh*

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